Sickness Denial

That feeling of being sick…

It all starts with a sore throat and a rampage of constant sneezing. A day later mom’s voice has faded to a Minnie Mouse tone, as coughing violently erupts from the very bottom of my toes.

This year I’ve been sick too many times. My workplace, a school, is a Petri dish for a variety of sicknesses, and so it shouldn’t be a surprise that once again, I’m sick.

Some of my problem is that my body is trying to tell me, take it easy. Yet my mind appears healthy as ever, striving to go to work anyway. Last week it started and I stayed home reluctantly. The next day I went back but my voice hadn’t returned to normal. I’m sure teachers didn’t want me there but nothing was said.

After resting all weekend (besides doing needed laundry and cleaning the bathroom), I stupidly trudged into work on Monday. I was in a terrible space and not well enough. At the end of this treacherous day, a teacher walked down the hall with me and candidly said, “Why don’t you stay home tomorrow and get better?”

Silence. I went home pondering this, realizing everyone was thinking this but it took a bold co-worker to relay the message.

I know what you are thinking…you’re getting everyone else sick. Am I part of the widespread problem? The fact is that it kills me to stay home two consecutive days, slumped on the couch with a hot cup of tea by my side and a box of tissues keeping me company. I not only feel overwhelming guilt but it disrupts my whole week. But it’s the right thing to do and I must do it. Today I slept. I coughed. I watched Grey’s Anatomy on Netflix. I blew my nose and rested my Minnie voice. My husband came home and so I talked….no change. So rest can be good for a weakened body but will I be able to hang out here again tomorrow? Perhaps I’ll play other Netflix shows, read a little, and pray that I can go back to school on Thursday.

Does anyone else have difficulties listening to his/her own body?